So of lately, I've noticed that I seem to be a little fragile. I can start crying with very little prompting. On the radio they will start talking about Christmas and how this Christmas might be hard on some people. That someone one may be missing around the tree. I cry. I go two days without any word from James and I cry. You look at me with too much empathy, and I cry. This not the picture perfect image of an army wife. I am fairly certain that he will come back to me, on time is in question, but he will be back.
One reason it is so hard to keep in together at time, I'm very aware of how much a blessing this man is to me. God has done 2 things for me that there is no way I could repay. I could be perfect, do every act of service, show love to everyone, and never sin again, and this 2 things would still out weigh what God has done for me. Number 1 and the most important is that He died on the cross for my sins. The next is that He gave James to be my husband.
One thing that I'm trying to say here is this: being an army wife during deployment sucks. He is gone and in harms way and you have to pick up everything and carry on. Not only do I have to remember the things I did for the running of our family, but I know have to remember the things he did too. It is almost like a having a cart that takes 2 people to move, and the other person is gone and you still have to move it. Sometimes others can come along and help, but they can't do everything. Like when the car battery died. I knew it needed to be replace before he left, but I was too busy trying to make those last few weeks special, that we didn't do. Then I go out to the car on day to dead car battery. This is one of those times when I can get on the phone and find someone help pull the 2 person cart for this job.
Things I don't need to hear right now are things like, you picked Stewart, you knew the band deployed there. You are right I picked Stewart, however it doesn't make the situation suck any less At least he isn't in harms way, it's not like he out shooting the other guys or out patrolling. Right, but he is still in the middle of war zone. My favorite, he is only going to be there for a little while, it could be worse he could have to be there for a year. How about we send your husband away to somewhere that contact will be sparse and one sided, for a little and see how you like.
It comes down to this I love James a lot. The only thing I love more than James is God. He is special to me, and I wouldn't want to live my life without him.
So when one of those things about happen what can you do. Let's start off by not looking at me with too much sympathy. If I'm standing there talking to you, I know you care. Next hug me. For me, you have no idea how much a hug warms me. Lastly remind that it will all be ok.
