Paradigm shifting.

Definition of PARADIGM

1: example, pattern; especially : an outstandingly clear or typical example or archetype

2: an example of a conjugation or declension showing a word in all its inflectional forms

3: a philosophical and theoretical framework of a scientific school or discipline within which theories, laws, and generalizations and the experiments performed in support of them are formulated; broadly : a philosophical or theoretical framework of any kind 

 

It's how you view the world. So what happens when it shifts? What happens when it starts to change? Really it depends on who is doing the shifting. I do my best not to the let the world shift my paradigm. I try to look at the world through a Christian paradigm. So what do you do when God is the one shifting the paradigm?

This is what I've been going through lately. God has used this summer to change my paradigm on a few things. He, however, didn't ask if this who I wanted to spend my summer. Especially shifting these paradigms. Of course, I'll admit that if He would have asked me my thoughts on changing these paradigms, I would have told Him that I'm perfectly happy with my views and can't we have a nice relaxing summer with no friction. That maybe why I wasn't asked.

On shift of paradigm, I'll admit I probably walked right into on my own accord and didn't realize it until it was too late. I was the one who chose to study Esther. Although I could argue that it through the promoting of the Spirit, I started listen to Tony Evan's podcast. Tony Evan's had said in one of his podcast that the name of God wasn't in the book of Esther. How could this not intrigue me, God knew the minute I head something like that I would look to investigate it. So, maybe He did lead me to it. You could argue that I didn't have to follow. Anyways let's leave that rabbit and get back to the shift in my paradigm. I had this firm belief that if God was silent, it was your fault. God doesn't move, we do. Well, not so much anymore. I already have this deep supernatural connection to God through his spirit. It doesn't matter what I do, I feel close to God, I know He is there whether I remember to have a quiet time or not. One day, I noticed a lack in the Spirit department. This was hard on me. I quickly spent days thinking about what I could have done to move. The more I thought the more I realized I didn't move. Of course about a day or 2 before I notice the absent Spirit, I was watching a Beth Moore session on her Esther study and she talked about how she had the Spirit left and she felt like she was going to die, and then when He came back it just overwhelmed. Upon hearing this, my thought, "Thank God, you have never done anything like that to me, I would die if you did something like that to me." I had a response come from within my heart, "You wouldn't die." "Well, ok, I wouldn't die, but I go back to the depression mess I was before I really found in Korea." I thought. Response from my heart, "Are you sure?" "Well, I'd become a mess and wouldn't know what to do at the very least." I responded. "Are you sure?" Well, I can tell you I didn't die, and I didn't become a depression mess either. I did keep plugging on and then I started begging Him to come back. Right before I was about to become a mess, I tripped and found God in a new way. I learned the importance of a silent. The things He showed after being so desperate from Him was amazing. He made Himself silent, so He could truly whisper and I would hear. So the next time it feels like God moved, maybe he didn't, maybe he went silent to get your attention. I can tell my spirit is better align with His now.

So now on to the other paradigm shifting. God has been working on my view and thoughts on what church is to me. We've been attending a rather large church for the past 2 years. The people are nice and friendly. They are areas for both James and I to serve. Pastor Eric is insightful and shines the light on the Scripture so well. So what could be wrong? I don't feel like I belong. I can honestly say I have no real deep connection to this church. I have maybe 3 people I feel really connected to. For me, this really hard to deal with. Church is where I go to feel like I belong and connected to people. Back in high school, when I started this whole church thing, it was most of the appeal to it. These people liked me, included and were all around great people. Nothing like high school. For me, those four years weren't the greatest years of life, they were awful miserable and a lot like Chinese water torture. That's a lot like how I was feeling at church minus the Chinese water torture. I was highly confuse and upset that God would lead us to place that would be so like high school for me. I became to demand and explanation to this. See, I was listening to Rick Warren, and he had said that if you are unhappy and have complaints God really does want to hear them. He wants you to take his complaints to him. So that's what did. At first I got nothing. I really need to understand why I was at church I didn't belong. He started responding with things like. This is where I want you to serve. This where you will be useful. This is where I want to be. Only until recently I got a little more on this shifting paradigm. Church isn't about you and what you need out of it. It's about God and how I can serve and glorify him. Even though I don't really want to admit this, church was about me and what I could get out of it. The church was there to serve me and my needs. Then I began to wonder why for the past 15 years He let me have this view that it was about me belonging. God made a valid argument. How else was He suppose to get me into this relationship without appealing to one of my greatest needs at the time. I was so insecure and unsure about everything at that point in my life, how else was I suppose to meet the only one out there could fix everything and be what I needed without appealing to my greatest need. Now that myself image is ground Christ, now that my self worth comes  from Christ. I have my phone refer to me as Child of the One True King, that's how much I identify myself with the image of me in Christ. Shouldn't He start changing things about how I look things to better suit who I am in Him.

Offense and Growth

     One thing I have noticed about churches is that when things change, you can count one thing to happen, somebody will get their toes stepped on, their feelings hurt or being offended. The main reason for this is that we are human, while we are still on this side of heaven, broken and imperfect. So what does one do when things like this happen? There are lots of things that can done. Everyone get mad, upset and angry. There is nothing wrong with this as a first reaction, it's what you do with these feelings that makes them right or wrong.
    I recently when through one these times where things at church were changing and I got my toes stepped on. I was accidentally left out of decision that I felt like based on the work I've done the past year I should have at least been informed about the decision and the direction the ministry was going in. I had three initial thoughts to this happening. All three were wrong, but I drove home and went through my thoughts and feelings over and over again. Not the best idea for me. I learned from this that I don't just emote. Yes, emotion comes first, but I also think and process these in my head. By the time I got home, I had felt I'm done with Bethel Church. I'm not going back there anytime soon and I'm probably not serving in the women's ministry in anyway. James hearing all this mistook for a second and said just because what one person did to you isn't a reason to leave God. I quickly corrected him, this had nothing to do with my feeling about God, it's that church, I don't want to go back there. So James said you or we need to go and talk with Pastor Eric. My response I'm too upset, I'm too mad to do that right now. I was in the moment to upset to move forward. I knew enough that I shouldn't be act in my anger. It's ok to be mad, it when you act in the anger that can lead to sinning. I was very aware that if I acted in the that anger, I would sin. So James went in and talked with Pastor Eric. It was decided that the three of us need to sit down and work through this. Realizing that this was a new area for me, I've never been so upset with any church that I couldn't go back to it, that I probably shouldn't try and tackle this on my own. I need guidance and I agreed that Pastor Eric was probably the best place to go for this kind of guidance. I also need to process this. I spent time talking this over with God and then I moved on to my friend Dorothy. She affirmed that my feelings and thoughts weren't coming out left field. That they were valid and normal too. I really needed that.  After the battle I had with depression and the lies I let my feelings tell for 10 years, I really needed the affirmation that they weren't misleading me again. I also knew that in this I needed someone who tell me what I needed to hear. I needed to be told some truth. I hesitated calling Jason. When this was happening in my life, he was studying for two huge tests, that he needed to pass in order to get out of AIT, so I couldn't bring myself to bother him. I finally did. Jason basically told me that it doesn't matter how I feel, or what happened to me. I need to submit to God's will especially when He is clearing telling me what it is. Then Sunday, we didn't go to Bethel Church. I was still a little raw and a little upset, that I felt it wasn't good idea. Avoiding those areas where I could sin in my anger seemed like a good idea. So I left this up to James, we could stay home and sleep or we could go to church somewhere else. James decided we should go to church where Dorothy's husband is preaching at right now. Chris spoke about being betrayed. It was one of those God acted in Chris's life during the week, so he would speak to me where I was and what I need to hear from God. I'm sure Pastor Eric had a great sermon, that was very enlightening, but I need to hear that confronted me and my issues. So Monday came and James and I sat down with Pastor Eric. By this time I felt it was kinda moot. I knew very well what I need to do. I needed to sit down and talk with Cheryl. However the talk with Pastor Eric was good. I really put a nice cherry on the top of long thought process that needed to happen. I also got to see my pastor's wisdom in a new light. He is a very wise man, and need to see more of that. I also got see how much he does really care for us. He is a great pastor.
    So after all this, I went and sat down with Cheryl. She and I talked. I had light shed on what happened and what she wanted to do with what I had been working on the past year. I can go back to Bethel Church and I can serve in the women's ministry.
   So what did take away from all this? It's ok to get upset, but sometimes it isn't what it looks like. Pastor Eric gave me the advice of the next time something like this happen, I need to go to that person and voice that I have been offended or hurt, let them know that I need to go and process this some more before we talk, but to let them. However, after talking with Dorothy, I know that because I'm not just a feeler or a thinker, I'm both I need to process before I try to deal with being hurt. I can only deal with or fix it without sinning until I have an understanding of process. I also was reminded why Jason is so important. He will say what I need to hear in a way that I will listen to it and I can respond that I don't want to talk with him anymore, and he knows what I'm really saying is that I this is what I needed to hear, and I got the message fully. Thank you James for being such a good husband and handle it like I needed you too. Thank you Jason for continuing to speak truth into my life. Thank you Dorothy for listening to me process this. Thank you Pastor Eric for the wisdom and light in all this.