Just a bit to Comfortable.

Disturb us, O Lord
when we are too well-pleased with ourselves
when our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little,
because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, O Lord
when with the abundance of things we possess,
we have lost our thirst for the water of life
when, having fallen in love with time,
we have ceased to dream of eternity
and in our efforts to build a new earth,
we have allowed our vision of Heaven to grow dim.
Stir us, O Lord
to dare more boldly, to venture into wider seas
where storms show Thy mastery,
where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.
In the name of Him who pushed back the horizons of our hopes
and invited the brave to follow.
Amen

 

In one of our last group meeting times, we read this prayer as group. It really touched. Sometimes, I find myself in a place where I dream too little, happy with where I am, and sail too close to the shore. I feel this is the biggest problem with most Western Christians. We are way to comfortable and happy just being. I don't know why happens. I just wish that more Christians would be disturbed by more important things. I know that life gets into a routine, and we get comfortable, but very few Christian ever leave the shores now a days. This is my prayer not just for myself, but all Christians.

Delmas, South Africa

So here is the post most of you have been waiting for. The what happened in South Africa post.
I went to the airport Wednesday day and flew to St. Paul. After St. Paul, I went to Atlanta. I had a nice long wait in Atlanta, I arrived at about 10:30 and my plane didn't take off until after 8pm. I had spent Tuesday on a glacier celebrating 2 years with my husband and found myself fighting a cold. I spent most of the day sleeping. I board my flight and flew for 19hrs landing in Joburg just after 6pm. I went trough customs, got my bag and walked out the sliding doors. I little dazed and travel weary, I started to look for someone from the Amor Staff. I quickly heard LaDonna calling my name. She showed me where the bus was waiting and head that way. Chipo, Luke's wife, greeted me. I climbed on the bus, and Debbie, my small group, called me over to sit with her. Lydia, also in my school group was near, and I saw Sally, someone I have done many weeks of Barnabas with. We rode the bus to Ebenezer Farm. We found our rooms, had a short meeting and then off to bed.
We got up the next morning and were off to the lion park. I got to pet a lion cub. I didn't feed the giraffe. Then we went in a caged car around the open camps of animals. We watched a cheetah sit on a hummer. Urban Saints were their and getting ready to leave. They had spent the week building their own house, they also laid or 22 by 22 slab for us. Because they laid our slab for us, they weren't able to finish their second coat of stucco. We had a meeting time together and the passed the "baton" on to us. We got to meet the pastor board, and hear Pastor Gabriel speak.
Sunday, we got and got ready for church. We were meet with some sad news, as Kim's niece had passed away. We went to Pastor Gabriel's church, it's dutch reform. He had invited a black house to come and sing. The service was in Afrikaans. Afterwards, we went over to the Soweto. Our first stop was Walter Sisulu square. Sisulu was a freedom fighter, and had spent time in prison with Mandela. We stopping outside a museum that was closed, the sign for the museum had didn't freedom fighters, and Luke's grandma was one of them. We also the monument to the new constitution. After that we went over to an area of the Soweto know as Orlando West. We stopped by Regina Mundi, it's a church that was harboring people during the apartheid and police broke in and shot at people. After that we went to the Hector Pieterson museum. Hector took part in a march against being taught in Afrikaans and was one of the first students shot and killed in 1975. After that we did a little shopping and then walked over to the intersection where Hector was shot, and just down the street from there was Nelson Mandela's house.
Monday morning, we were divided into three groups. Our house build, Stucco for Urban Saints, and outreach. I was placed in outreach. We went over to a daycare center and had a VBS for the kids in the area. Tuesday, it was two group the daycare, and house building. Once again I went over to the daycare. Three things were happening at the daycare: outreach, painting, and starting a garden. I helped with garden. Wednesday, I went over to house building to finish out the week working on the house.
In the evenings, we had activities with our small group, we got to do beading, dessert cooking, zulu dancing, and Jessica Baker talked about women's self image.
Saturday morning, We got up and some headed over to the airport, and the rest went to Nkosi's Haven. We got a tour, and I got just be there for a little boy named Sean. After that it was over to the airport and to say our goodbyes.
It was a great trip and I hope to someday to return to Delmas. 

Where the magic happens

I try very hard to not have a comfort zone, I'll even tell you don't really have one. When it comes to going and doing, I'll do and go. I realized in on a rooftop in Mexico that magic happens outside the your comfort zone and that magic is amazing. It draws you into your relationship with God, it's the greatest thing I've ever felt. Because of that day on the rooftop, I vowed not to have comfort zone, that if God was going to take me there, I would go.
I do have a "place" I'm not comfortable. When it comes to formal pray not comfortable especially like out load in front of other people. In May, Bonnie invited to come and pray Tuesday mornings at church. We spend about 30 minutes quietly praising God and the we come together to praise and petition God. At this point still not comfortable with the whole praying thing.
So you are probably wondering where South Africa comes into play here. On Sunday morning, we got up and were getting ready for church and a tour around Soweto. One of my roommates, Kim, burst out crying. Her niece had gone home to be the Lord. Now she knew that this was possible, her niece had been in and out of the hospital. So those of us in the room tried to comfort her. I found myself asking her if I could pray for her. She said yes and I did. Then I did what I did best and searched for the lady Kim traveled with. Her friend was a leader and not staying in the room with us. So I stepped outside the comfort zone, and the magic happened. I helped my roommate, blessed her. See stepping outside the comfort zone is so worth.
Of course, I was blessed in return. Later in the week, I sat down and talked with Kim. I shared with her, how while I was in Mexico one time, I lost a close friend whose doing missionary work in Africa.
Why bother with a comfort zone, God won't let you stay there.

Holding hands

On my last day in South Africa, we went to a place called Nkosis's Heaven. It's an HIV/AIDS home. The children living there have: an HIV/AIDS status, lost their parents or both. The women who live there have an HIV/AIDS status, children who do, or both, they also lost their husband or their husband pushed them out the house because of their status.
About a month or two before leaving for South Africa, the book club from church read a book titled Go and Do. Jay spent about chapter talking about presence and the importance of just going to third world countries and visiting with the people, not really having agenda to do anything. On Saturday night, it our celebration with Urban Saints, one the pastor said that in South Africa, when one is sick or sad or hurting, you don't send a card or make a phone call, you go and visit them.
As we start our walking tour around Nkosis's a little boy was walking along with a stick. As we walked by him, he grabbed my back pocket. I took his had from my back pocket and held his hand. He walked around with me. He would has ask what things were and that's about it. Most of the time we just walked around hand and hand. We later walked into the office and the lady sitting at the desk called him Sean. She talked with Sean and I didn't see him again.
Sometimes we forget how important it is to just go and not have an agenda. I do. Sean didn't need house or the gospel preached to him. He just needed to someone to visit with him. He just needed someone to walk around and hold his hand.

Pastor Gabriel

On my trip to South Africa, I was luck to meet Amor's Pastor Board. One of these Pastor spoke to the group and he's story has had an impact on my life.

Pastor Gabriel is an Afrikaner and pastor of a dutch reform church. For those who don't know, Afrikaners are white. Pastor Gabriel was about 10 when the apartheid ended. He grew-up around black children and in a non racist household. In school, he made friends with the black students in his school. even when this wasn't a popular thing to do. He was told on one occasion not to befriend the black students. As an adult, he will write the paper and voice how the racism is wrong, and that the gap between blacks and whites is wrong. This still isn't a popular viewpoint in South Africa. However he stands up for it. He has received death treats not only on his on life but also his family. He has two small children. This however doesn't stop him for standing up for what he knows is right.

The thing that has caught my attention most about Pastor Gabriel is that we have something in common. Pastor Gabriel was talking with one of his mentors one day, and brought the fact that he was white and privileged, and there are many people in his country who aren't. Now this isn't earth shattering news. He wanted to do something about the gap and wondering what he could. His mentor responded, "By asking that, you are already less of white asshole." That's what we both want, is to be less of a white asshole, and do something about the gap.   

Not just another stamp in the passport

So tomorrow, I get on a plane and start traveling to South Africa. The thing about this trip is it isn't a vacation, this isn't some sightseeing trip. The part that make it really exciting is who I am going with. I'm going with Amor. Since I've been to Mexico and San Carlos, this is super exiting.
I love building with Amor. I'm just building a house, I'm help build hope in area of the world that is need of hope. Amor does more than just build houses. After the group is gone and the house is done, Amor stays behind with a pastor board. The pastor board is from community and they keep an eye on the people, and keep meeting their needs for water, food, warmth, and even giving them the word of God.
I got excited about this trip that last time I was in Mexico. I worked with Luke, he works mostly in South Africa, he told me about the building and the camp. I got really excited. Then I received word about Women of Strength. James saved the money and by January, I was ready to go. I've read some stuff by Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela. South Africa has rich history and is still on the mend from the awful apartheid. I can't wait to get there and make a difference.

My Next 30 years

So I'm turning 30 soon. Facebook won't tell you this but July 10, 1982 I graced the world with my presence. So just a a quick recap of the last 30 years.
I was born in Minot, ND. We moved to Seirra Vista, AZ, and then Phoenix, AZ where, I spent most of my life. I went through school, and after high school went into college to earn a B.A. in elementary ed. I taught kindergarten, and then taught in Korea. I meet James, and we got married. I became and army wife and have embraced every bit of it. I've made some mistakes, made some bad choices, and then proceed to run away from God. Only to later to find myself running right to Him, so He could put me back together. I now find myself in Alaska for next two years.
So my next 30 years what are my plans.
To follow my husband wherever the army sends us.
To plug myself into the communties out there and get right into ministry whatever God has opened up for me.
To always keep the idea of serving Amor in my back pocket, because if we can send me to South Africa from Alaska, anything is possible.
To make my marriage better and greater each year I get to be in.
To finish writing my messages I started (hopefully this will be done in the early part of the next 30), and then start speaking and sharing these women.
To love more an judge less
To look at others the way I want God to look at me through grace and mercy.
To contiue in my submission to my God and my husband.
To read about everything I have an interest in, and gain a better understanding of the world around me.
To take more chance and not worry about the outcome
To remember God will always pick me up and clean me up better than ever
To smell more roses
To take more pictures
To blog more
To learn to paint
To be more creative
Finally, to become a mother (now the disclaimer on this one, if you pester me about it you won't get in any answer other than in my next 30 years. When James and I are ready, we will have children.)

In the Dark

The stories you hear about Alaska and it being dark in the winter is true. In Fairbanks, it never got completely dark. The sunrise before noon and set around one. It does get dark and it gets hard. Darkness can be overwhelming. It seems to consume everything. The darkness seems to eat everything. It leaves you feeling kinda hopeless. Darkness is very awful. It's hard to live with that much darkness. It left me feeling very depressed and many days I didn't want to do anything the dark just sucks the life out of you.  Then the light comes back very slowly. Then there's too much of it. It's starts to overwhelm. It's really weird to roll over at 3am and the sun be fully up  and then when you are going to bed after 10pm the sun isn't even thinking about going down.
What this does to a person can be awful. The dark sucks life and that much light really mess with ones head. So how do you deal? I don't have an answer. In fact, I didn't deal very well. I spent many days in my pjs wanting to do things and not having the motivation to do it. The light seems to overwhelm and I don't know how to respond. I'm totally over stimulated by it. I don't really know who to respond to this much light. Balance is a good thing. However, I need to learn how to balance is such an off balanced world. I really failed at this year, but I'm going to give it another try.

Thoughts on Lent

First off, I don't mean to offend anyone. If you chose to do Lent, that's great. These are just my thoughts.

As far I've understand lent is the 40 days before Easter, and in the time period you are to give up something. You are to make a sacrifice to help understand the sacrifice that Christ made. So here are my two thoughts on this.

There is nothing you can sacrifice other than your own life that while even give a glimpse at what Christ did for you. Going without meat, or facebook, or candy, isn't going to give any idea what Christ endured. I am thankful that I don't need to understand it, I just have to accept it. I can't even began to think of what it is like to first be beaten near death, to carry a cross up long walk, and then to be nailed to that cross, and die without God. It's not something I'm going to understand this side of heaven, and I'm not even to attempt to think that giving up something insignificant for 40 days is going to help me understand. Now if you were doing as fast to draw closer to God that's different. If that's what your doing than you don't need to be telling anyone, or complaining that you aren't doing said insignificant thing, instead of complain you should be praising God. When someone is having a nice big steak for lunch in front you instead of thinking about how much this sucks, you should think how great is that Jesus was willing to give up his place in heaven so you could have a place.

God doesn't care about sacrifice, He cares about obedience. He wants to do the things that you are called to do. He wants you to follow His ways. He wants you to love the Lord your God with all your strength, heart, mind and soul, and to love your neighbor as yourself. He wants you and all of you. As I see it, all the sacrificing was done. Yes a sacrifice was needed, but we weren't accepted to do it, why because truly in order to pay for all the wrongs you did, you would have to never eat meat, or never go on facebook. I'm not saying God doesn't care or doesn't like it when we make sacrifices, I'm just saying or obedience is more important. He prefers it. It's the relationship that matters.

If I said anything that offended anyone, I'm sorry, but that's how I see it.