Offense and Growth

     One thing I have noticed about churches is that when things change, you can count one thing to happen, somebody will get their toes stepped on, their feelings hurt or being offended. The main reason for this is that we are human, while we are still on this side of heaven, broken and imperfect. So what does one do when things like this happen? There are lots of things that can done. Everyone get mad, upset and angry. There is nothing wrong with this as a first reaction, it's what you do with these feelings that makes them right or wrong.
    I recently when through one these times where things at church were changing and I got my toes stepped on. I was accidentally left out of decision that I felt like based on the work I've done the past year I should have at least been informed about the decision and the direction the ministry was going in. I had three initial thoughts to this happening. All three were wrong, but I drove home and went through my thoughts and feelings over and over again. Not the best idea for me. I learned from this that I don't just emote. Yes, emotion comes first, but I also think and process these in my head. By the time I got home, I had felt I'm done with Bethel Church. I'm not going back there anytime soon and I'm probably not serving in the women's ministry in anyway. James hearing all this mistook for a second and said just because what one person did to you isn't a reason to leave God. I quickly corrected him, this had nothing to do with my feeling about God, it's that church, I don't want to go back there. So James said you or we need to go and talk with Pastor Eric. My response I'm too upset, I'm too mad to do that right now. I was in the moment to upset to move forward. I knew enough that I shouldn't be act in my anger. It's ok to be mad, it when you act in the anger that can lead to sinning. I was very aware that if I acted in the that anger, I would sin. So James went in and talked with Pastor Eric. It was decided that the three of us need to sit down and work through this. Realizing that this was a new area for me, I've never been so upset with any church that I couldn't go back to it, that I probably shouldn't try and tackle this on my own. I need guidance and I agreed that Pastor Eric was probably the best place to go for this kind of guidance. I also need to process this. I spent time talking this over with God and then I moved on to my friend Dorothy. She affirmed that my feelings and thoughts weren't coming out left field. That they were valid and normal too. I really needed that.  After the battle I had with depression and the lies I let my feelings tell for 10 years, I really needed the affirmation that they weren't misleading me again. I also knew that in this I needed someone who tell me what I needed to hear. I needed to be told some truth. I hesitated calling Jason. When this was happening in my life, he was studying for two huge tests, that he needed to pass in order to get out of AIT, so I couldn't bring myself to bother him. I finally did. Jason basically told me that it doesn't matter how I feel, or what happened to me. I need to submit to God's will especially when He is clearing telling me what it is. Then Sunday, we didn't go to Bethel Church. I was still a little raw and a little upset, that I felt it wasn't good idea. Avoiding those areas where I could sin in my anger seemed like a good idea. So I left this up to James, we could stay home and sleep or we could go to church somewhere else. James decided we should go to church where Dorothy's husband is preaching at right now. Chris spoke about being betrayed. It was one of those God acted in Chris's life during the week, so he would speak to me where I was and what I need to hear from God. I'm sure Pastor Eric had a great sermon, that was very enlightening, but I need to hear that confronted me and my issues. So Monday came and James and I sat down with Pastor Eric. By this time I felt it was kinda moot. I knew very well what I need to do. I needed to sit down and talk with Cheryl. However the talk with Pastor Eric was good. I really put a nice cherry on the top of long thought process that needed to happen. I also got to see my pastor's wisdom in a new light. He is a very wise man, and need to see more of that. I also got see how much he does really care for us. He is a great pastor.
    So after all this, I went and sat down with Cheryl. She and I talked. I had light shed on what happened and what she wanted to do with what I had been working on the past year. I can go back to Bethel Church and I can serve in the women's ministry.
   So what did take away from all this? It's ok to get upset, but sometimes it isn't what it looks like. Pastor Eric gave me the advice of the next time something like this happen, I need to go to that person and voice that I have been offended or hurt, let them know that I need to go and process this some more before we talk, but to let them. However, after talking with Dorothy, I know that because I'm not just a feeler or a thinker, I'm both I need to process before I try to deal with being hurt. I can only deal with or fix it without sinning until I have an understanding of process. I also was reminded why Jason is so important. He will say what I need to hear in a way that I will listen to it and I can respond that I don't want to talk with him anymore, and he knows what I'm really saying is that I this is what I needed to hear, and I got the message fully. Thank you James for being such a good husband and handle it like I needed you too. Thank you Jason for continuing to speak truth into my life. Thank you Dorothy for listening to me process this. Thank you Pastor Eric for the wisdom and light in all this.