While doing Project Barnabas, I met a guy who getting stationed at JBER, which is the base down in Anchorage. He and I spent a lot of time talking about Alaska. I did my best to talk it up and make it sound great. However, being an easy person to read, on the last night he asked what my real opinion of Alaska was. I put it like this: So high school was like the 4 worst years of life, I have never been so miserable in life ever, and will never go back to reunion. If I was given the choice to go back to high or live in Alaska for another 3 years, I would choice high school.
It's very simple. I'm not completely over my depression. Under normal circumstances, it is under control and doesn't effect me. However, Alaska isn't normal. Also, I knew that I had SAD, seasonal affective disorder, the loss of sunlight in the winter in Phoenix, had an effect on me. It was harder to get out bed, and the depression got worse too. In Phoenix, we probably lost 2 hours of daylight at the most. For those of you living outside of Alaska and have no idea how it isn't normal, let me explain the winter to you. It starts snowing at the end of September, it doesn't stick until October. We get a good 2-3 feet of snow that doesn't go anywhere until about mid April, if stops snowing in April. After June 23 we start losing daylight until Dec 2. Now when the sun is setting at 1am and raising at 3am, you don't really notice the lose of daylight, but come September, it's start to look like a normal day, and then you continue to lose daylight. The best way to describe it like this come November until about February, if I don't have recess duty, I didn't get to feel sunlight on my skin, and when I was going outside I was wearing so much stuff, I didn't really get to feel the sun on my skin. It was also extremely cold. Especially coming from Phoenix, Fairbanks doesn't see many day above 0. It is dark, cold, and there is snow on the ground from October until April. This is hard to deal with. After my first winter I came to this conclusion: 1.) You must be really broken to live in Alaska or 2.) I'm too broken to be living in Alaska. I'm pretty sure it's more 2.) now that I've done 3 winters.
Now I don't want to think that Alaska had been awful and the last three years have been unbearable for me. It has had some good moments. God has taught me a lot about Him, and myself. Things I couldn't learn in a normal place that doesn't have such extremes. I've gotten to meet a lot of wonderful people here. I've made heaven a little sweeter and bigger reunion party. I was able to regain my love for teaching and realized that I'm not the awful teacher my first two principals tried to tell I was. I was doing it right by loving my students as much as I do, and that wasn't mistake or the wrong way to do it. I learned to paint, and started dancing. I started taking an active role in the women's ministry and started on the road to what good has called me to do with that.
If we come back what would I do differently? First off we would buy a sunlight. Second, I would talk with my doctor about drug therapy for it, taking vitamin D wasn't enough. Third, if these things didn't help, I would tell James much sooner.
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