The failure that I am

Disclaimer: If you have me on a pedestal of being this great and wonderful Christian, I think that maybe you should remove from it before reading this. If you have me on a pedestal what you read here will probably cause me to fall off of it, I have a feeling that if I fall it might hurt you more than me. I just want to lie my heart out there and be honest with you. I warn you may not like what you read. If you start reading this you should read it to the end.

I'm a failure there is no way around. I have failed at many things. I have a long list of things I could have done better. I've failed as a daughter. My parents would never admit but I know that I have let them down, I have disappointed them. I've failed as sister. The relationship between my sister and I is such a mess there is no to see that it will ever be good. It was a mudslide that just started sliding and not the destruct is so awful, it's impossible to see anything good. I've failed as a teacher. My first two years of teaching were just so awful that fail is the only word I think to put to it. I've failed as Christian. I spent 3 years in a relationship with man, I shouldn't have even go on a date with. Because of that relationship I had an abortation. I got so discourage that I ran away from God.

I am a failure in the eyes of the world. I've made a huge mess with life. So I have a choice. I can be a failure. I can embrace and live that awful life that all failures live. Or I can embrace Jesus. I can accept the grace and mercy that God wants to pour out on me.

I have plans of cling to my new life verse. I found Philippians 3:14 a couple of weeks ago. I was doing a bible study for Thursday night Navigators that James and I go to. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. It's time for me to stop resting on verse that has God being the active one. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. See before God was the one doing all the work. That's fine when you are young Christian, but now that I'm an adult, now that I've grown in the Lord. It's time I start doing things. It's doesn't change that God is charge, but before I expected God to do all the work. I expected God to take care of everything. Now I need to faith that God will take care of me. I need to do things that show I'm thankful for what He has done.

So the failure that I am, is going to press on toward the goal God has called me to. I'm leaving the failures and focusing on my prize.