In October, James and I had to deal with a lot. The loss of Martio brought on a lot for both of us. We each had our own issues that needed to be worked through.
As an army wife, there is always that fear of deployment, even as a band wife, it's possible. Being dependent as I am, I worry that I'll be left to deal with something by myself. James goes off to Sitka. After not eating for about a week, I take Martio to the vet. I get off the phone with the vet, and my phone rings. It's Jen, she's one of the leaders of our small group. She wants to know if would like to come over for dinner. I take Martio to the vet, and leave her there so they can run tests. They call me later and basically she's gone into kidney failure. After calling James, I know, I can't drive and if I have to make that choice, I won't be able drive. I go next door and ask Pauline if she can drive me. After talking with vet, it seems to be the only choice to make. While we were talking with the vet, Dave, Pauline's husband, finished class and drove over to the vet. We load up his truck and drive over to shelter, Pauline and Dave go inside and take care of my paperwork, and we drop Martio off. Dave drives me home. I make some calls and go have dinner with Jen and her family. Wednesday is when the morning bible study meets, and last week before James left, Kathy, the leader, was going to be gone, but she said it was up to us if we wanted to still meet. We decided we would. I saw all this as God knowing how much I need help and how much people can help me. All these relationships were in place well before the middle of October. God took care of me. If He'll supple when James is on TDY and it's something small like the dog, what is going to do if something awful happens while James is deployed? I know the answer is more.
James is struggle was a little different. He sees himself as the protector. He sees himself as the one who should take care of me. This was hard from him, it's very hard to take care and protect someone when you are on an island far from them. He felt like he let me down. When he came home, he told this how he feels. He really felt like he failed. It was hard for him to bear. I tried to reassure him that God took great care him. He said that was because God is understudy. I explained to him that it's really the other way around. God is the ultimate comforter and protector. He only has the job because God trusts him with me. He is just one of the people around to do the job for Him. God allows him the responsibility of taking care of me. If God choices to use others than we have to allow him. Besides he did a great job, I probably called about 5 times on Monday, and woke him up on Tuesday and he didn't get mad at me. James has come to terms with being God's understudy.
We each had something to learn. God knows how needy and dependent I am and He is fully aware of it. I now know this. James thought he was supposed be my ultimate comforter and protector, he isn't. James now know that he has this role most of the time, but with his job, he can't always have it.
I loved my little dog because to me, she reflected God's love. Dog is God backwards. My dog loved me just like God. In her last day, she did a great thing she reflect God's love to both of us in a light.
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